just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
