Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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