Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
