I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
