I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize