Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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