he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
