i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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