escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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