I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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