god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
