i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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