You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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