He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
