Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize