once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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