Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
