I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
