I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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