Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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