Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
