i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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