hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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