broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
