you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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