Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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