I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
