I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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