cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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