You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
