And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
