FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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