it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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