I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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