this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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