I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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