I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drake has all the answers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
