Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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