i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
