You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
