I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize