Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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