someone get that fucking seahorse.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
