Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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