tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize