I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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