Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
