I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Semen is not good for contacts.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
