She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
