is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
