based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
