If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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