Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
last night I used snow as a chaser
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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