I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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