girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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