TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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