Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were trust falling into bushes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
