Ambien. No doubt about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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