According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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