Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
