I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
