He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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