I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
