If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have feelings that need drinking.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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