I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm at about main and main street
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
