the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
