wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
