She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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