I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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