They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I want her autograph on my taint
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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