hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize