They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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