We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
