Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
