just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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