I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
