I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
