There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is Oprah even human
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
