That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
