Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
